Papa & Baby Bear

Bryan is a proud papa bear and wanted me to post this! Yes, that is a snuggie (as seen on TV) that he's wearing. We got this for Christmas! He's a very creative daddy and I am never sure what him and Anna will come up with. They other day they were pretending to roast a duck (Winston's new toy) with Anna's new kitchen of which had a very imaginative concoction to pour over it!

FYI - The snuggie is quite versatile and can also be used as a monk attire or for an Obi-Wan Kenobi costume from Star Wars. (I've mentioned Star Wars twice in one week but we're not big Star Wars fans or anything and I even had to Wikipedia how to spell Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don't think I've ever seen his name in writing before!)

Paradox

Here is one of my periodic posts of things we learned along the journey of infertility. I was amazingly blessed by the wisdom of so many during my journey and only hope I can share some things I gleaned along the way in order to help others. So here goes!

I love how Jesus identifies with us and we can identify with him. This morning I was contemplating the paradox of Jesus going to the cross because of “the joy set before him” but also moments before dying was crying out, “My God, My God, why have your forsaken me?” It almost seems double minded in a way but it’s a matter of perspective. So this is how Bryan and I found ourselves during the season of infertility. We surrendered our will of having children in our own timing because we knew there was a greater plan - a joy set before us. On several occasions we knew as clear as a bell that we were not to pursue infertility treatments. We couldn’t take matters into our own hands but had to tell God we wanted His greater plan and we had the seed of hope for something bigger and greater than what we could pursue. Yet sometimes minutes, hours or days later after surrendering our way of doing things because of the joy set before us we would literally be crying as if saying the words of Jesus on the cross – “My God, my God why have you forsaken me.” Oh course, I know our trial was nothing compared to Jesus’ death on the cross but yet at the cross we felt comfort knowing we could identify with him. Now we have the joy of Anna! What a sweeter and greater plan than we could ever ask or imagine!

If you have to die to your own plans and timing of things, remember to keep perspective in that there is a plan of joy before you, hold onto your seed of hope and cry out if you need to when you feel forsaken. In light of eternity, Jesus was only forsaken for a millisecond so your feelings of being forsaken are only momentary.

May the vision of the joy set before be renewed in your moments of feeling forsaken!

Some Fav Holiday Pics

She's the perfect gift!
She was born too late. She would have made a great ewok in Return of the Jedi.

The dog with only four toys in his mouth.

Crazy fun with the family!

Isn't that the cutest kitchen?!

Love this boy!

Her dress is ADORABLE!

Party #1 For the Day

Anna helping her Grandpa open his gift!
Cousin with her Grandpa's new hat!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Party # 2

It's official! We have another Tech graduate in the family!

Congrats to Jon! We're super proud of him and look forward to seeing the next chapter in his and Heather's life unfold.
The grandparents having fun!

Celebrating Jeanette

A few weeks ago the Kessler (adult) girls went to tea to celebrate Jeanette's birthday! We had some awesome Aussie friends join us! So glad they were in town for the occasion.

Our extended family is a true anomaly in which all the in-laws get along great and are friends. It's a bi-product of my father and mother-in-laws years of prayers for "the unity of the spirit and bond of peace." Their prayers have paid off.

Hanging Out With Friends

Bryan said he needed to have a talk with a someone.

Aren't they the cutest!

So I used to hang out with my girl friends and talk but now we talk, chase, forget where we left off in our sentences, sometimes return and other times just pick up where we left off the next time we hang out! And I wouldn't have it any other way!

I don't mean to belabor the point about how I went through a barren season in life but I know we all go through these season and hope my sharing will help someone else. God knows we all have these seasons. But the funny thing is that when my friends started having kids before me it seemed like their kids where going to be so much older than mine but now they all seem so close in age.

Some might wonder if I was ever jealous of my friends when they were having kids. I have to say I have AWESOME and super sensitive friends who shared their news in great, creative ways which often times made me feel like I was the privileged one to know their precious news. And I had genuine joy about each one of their kiddos! But it came from me being jealous of one pregnancy at the very beginning stages of the infertility. I remember walking away feeling sick from seeing my capacity to be jealous. I sincerely didn't know I had that capacity in my heart for jealousy and I decided then after I never again wanted that feeling to overcome me like it did. I processed the yuck I had just experienced and then thought, "How could I be so stupid to be jealous of a life that God has given?!" Jealousy and coveting bear grotesque fruit and they were not something I wanted in my life. I asked God to help me from then on out. There were moments of temptation at times especially since women get pregnant all the time but it wasn't something that would come and overwhelm me. If I had a bad moment I learned to be quick to repent. I had to contend in prayer and learned to ask for grace to make it through. And yet again God was faithful!

If you're going through a barren season, may you stay far from jealousy and be blessed with grace!

Anna and Daddy's Time

Mommy, we had a blast while you were gone! We played with almost every toy in my cabinet!

The Fox and Varsity

I've been going to the Fox for years but never tire of going there. Even trips to the restrooms are out of the ordinary walking into the opulent sitting rooms. Makes me wonder what it was like to be a queen like Esther.
One can't go down to the heart of Atlanta without stopping into the Varsity. It was Laurel and Brianna's first time there and my annual visit.
(I don't think my arteries could handle any more than an annual visit.)
The place was packed out more than when there is a Tech Game but well worth the long wait. We sat by the back door on this frigid day sipping our frosted oranges freezing all the more but savoring each sip.

Favorite Holiday

In motion! We had some play time before the family came over.

Meal number one! It was a day FULL of family. We wouldn't have it any other way!

So half of us is cracking up laughing as Winston tries to get in the picture, too!

Family Event # 2. We forgot to take a picture before Heather's side of the family left. Was great fun being with everyone.

We LOVE Thanksgiving! We're already looking forward to next year!

The Zoe Foundation

Bryan and I went to a vision banquet tonight for the Zoe Foundation. What a great organization!

I LOVE THEIR VISION!

If you have a heart to help end abortion through adoption then check out their website -

www.thezoefoundation.com

Their resources are insightful. Warning though - I couldn't get to sleep one night after listening to one of their audios. I was too excited! And their resources could potentially change your family especially the size of it!!!

Going Back

Here is a picture from our trip to the mountains.

About three years ago we were at this same spot having our picture made. It was during the worst stage of the 5 plus years of infertility when we had hit rock bottom and were in the full-swing grief process especially since we truly felt we had the faith for conceiving. We were thinking/praying/waiting on the Lord about adoption at this point and even that weekend I shared with my mom my desire to adopt. Anna's adoption was apart of the healing process from the wound of infertility. How lovely to return to this spot with her! I love when things come full circle.

The reason for our grief was surrendering our timing for giving birth to a baby. Wow, was that a hard one but can't imagine not having done it. Where would our Anna be in the equation if we had not done so. For those that have grieved before I am sometimes struck at the various things we can grieve over beyond just the odvious one of death. While grief is not the preferred season in life I am grateful that it is a process which does come to an END!

Anna is Into Things

I'm still trying to figure out why we buy toys! As I speak she is sitting on two diaper boxes!

Other Great Pictures

This was one of my favorite memories from the trip. Anna loved riding on the back of Evan's walker while he cruised around in it. What a team!

The Hike

This had to be the perfect trail for the family. Afterall, it was paved!
We made it 1.5 miles in to see the waterfall!

On the way out we got specifically what we had prayed for earlier which was to see some cool wildlife but not to cross paths with it. This bear was about 10 feet away to the side of the trail.

If we had been a couple minutes later on our hike we would have come face to face with this big boy as he was going around the bend! Glad we were specific in our prayers!


Special thanks to Michael for going back to take the pictures so we could all be out of the bears way!

Brothers

Michael and Bryan dressed alike three days on the trip! Too funny!

You would think they were twins!

Something to Celebrate

We returned yesterday from a week away in the Great Smokey Mountains with Bryan's family. The reason for the trip was celebrating his parents, Ken and Donna's 40th wedding anniversary! What a milestone and example for all the kids, grandkids, church and others they have influence with.

Transparency

So often I have to remind myself that Anna is adopted. I am amazed at how perfectly she fits into our family. But a struggle I had when she was a newborn was the fact that I couldn't breastfeed her. I wanted the very best for my babe and felt like I couldn't provide it for her. As far as research is concerned I thought, "What if I am causing her to have ear infections since breastfeed babies have less ear problems?" But God is so good and knew my heart and I don't really remember making this struggle or feeling of guilt a matter of prayer. Almost every time we've gone to the doctor for well visits (since she's rarely sick) the doctor comments on how great her ears look! She even went through a short season of having an ear thing where she kept playing with her ears and people would ask me if her ears were bothering her. I kept telling people she just liked her ears because she honestly did and there were no ear problems.

Once again God showed his kindness! Why am I surprised?!

Adoption Update

My girl makes me laugh!

On Wednesday our attorney flew from LA to Sacramento to pick up Anna's birth certificate from vital records since it never was mailed to her office. Then she hand delivered it to our social worker. So our file is now complete and a preliminary report needs to be written by our social worker. Only problem is that two people have quit in our social workers office and have not been replaced so she's had to take on their case load. In addition, she's had to take furlough days since California's economy is shot so her work load was already heavy. (Side note: I did my internship in college with DFACS with the child abuse investigators. I saw first hand how much things can back up. I truly feel for our social worker.) We'd love prayer that we'd have favor with our social worker and she's be able to write our preliminary report quickly. Our attorney mentioned possibly two weeks for this to take place. Once this is written she'll send it over to our attorney. When our attorney receives this she can begin looking for the birth father in order for him to terminate his rights. If he's found and terminates his rights immediately then it can move everything along faster but if he's not found I think they'll place an ad in the paper for 30 days in the area where he was last known to live. If they don't hear any thing then it's assumed he wants to terminate his rights.

I think it's two more steps after this.

1. Once birth father's rights are terminated then our social worker will write a final report.

2. Then it's onto the courts for our finalization!!!!!!!!!

Anna Amid the Pumpkins

Our Pumpkin with her little pumpkin