Two Weeks Until We Leave

At this stage our spirit-man which seems very, very deep inside us is saying a resounding "YES!" to adoption and heading out to California but our natural man is saying, "What are you doing? Are you out of your mind?" Our emotions are bouncing around from nervousness to all kinds of crazy things. If and when this all gets finalized it should be cause for the biggest party ever. Hopefully we'll have the energy for this when it arrives! :) Emotions are wearing.

The major reason for our natural man thinking we're crazy is because at the point all communication has been cut off with the birth mom. She's no longer answering our calls. While this presents question marks for us I am feeling for her. Our minds speculate both good and big things. Bottom line is that emotionally it must be really, really hard to give a baby up for adoption. I am feeling for this girl that I have never met. The way I am mentally processing everything is by thinking she's trying to no longer bond with us to help make this process as cut and dry as possible, as if cut and dry is even an option. This total stranger is fulfilling a dream of ours yet as the same time will most likely go through a season of grief in return. Ouch! Life isn't fair.

(I know in our saying communication has been cut off might raise a red flag for some but things like this happen in adoption and the agency isn't moved by it. It's not a great indicator but sometimes the situations that look the best ended up the worse and vice versa. This is one time that you can't be lead by what you see. Only God knows the end results of each adoption situation.)

We have spoken with our agency twice over the past few days. They are trying to feel her out in what is happening in her mind and why she's cut off communication. We'd love your prayers for the Lord to guard hearts as well as hers.

The wild thing is that we had total peace about going with her as a birth mom but yet we don't know the end result. My respect for birth moms rights to change their minds has ironically grown through this. If by chance she did change her mind, it would literally be the most devastating event in our lives to date but yet her decisions must be respected. It will be one of the biggest decisions she's made in her entire life. As we get closer to the day I am realizing the weight of this all the more. (Lord, please lead us all.)

I wish I could be more excited at this stage of the game! Back to my spirit-man, in the far recesses of me I have excitement. But the rest of it has left us kind of guarded, edgy, and maybe even withdrawn. We're just trying to process a lot right now. Again, we'd love your prayers.